Football Terms for Breastfeeding Mamas
We, at Mamava, love football. (We also super love the Minnesota Vikings, the Indianapolis Colts, the Denver Broncos, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Chicago Bears because they all support their breastfeeding fans with Mamava pods.) Football and breastfeeding have more in common than just the “football hold”—that nursing position where you tuck baby under your arm. For one, they share a lot of fans (45% of NFL fans are women). So we’re flexing football’s lexicon to fit our off-the-field interests: feeding that kid, from the breast.
Football: An offensive player whose job is to carry the ball.
Breastfeeding: What you’re doing when—halfway through your morning commute—you realize you left your breast pump at home.
Football: When the offense puts multiple receivers in the same area of the field to outnumber the defense.
Breastfeeding: The breast milk situation when you have a super-strong let-down.
Football: A play change called by the quarterback at the line of scrimmage.
Breastfeeding: When baby bites and you scream.
Football: When linebackers charge the quarterback as soon as he snaps the ball.
Breastfeeding: When baby attacks the breast like an angry lion as soon as mama shows some skin.
Football: When the quarterback fakes a handoff and runs with the ball “hidden” next to his hip.
Breastfeeding: That breast milk stashed WAY back in the freezer, away from the babysitter who tends to always thaw (ahem, waste) “extra” ounces.
Football: The area between the 20-yard line and the goal.
Football: An intentionally short punt.
Breastfeeding: When a flailing infant jabs a heel into the soft space—that they created—in mom’s lower abdominal area.
Football: When a quarterback is tackled, behind the line of scrimmage, before he can make a pass.
Breastfeeding: That thing you put your baby in so maybe they’ll sleep. And then so can you.
Football: Side of the offense where there are more players. (Usually, the side with the tight end.)
Breastfeeding: The boob that makes more milk.
Hands to the face
Football: A penalty when a defender uses his hands to strike an offensive player’s face mask.
Breastfeeding: Kinda the same thing during a breastfeeding sesh—but sometimes it’s a sweet stroke instead of a strike. And no mask. Presumably.